50/50 vs 60/40 CUSTODY
The Difference Between Visiting and Parenting
This is what you're fighting for. Not "visitation." Parenting.
Days lost over 20 years with 60/40
Total financial swing (support + taxes)
Success rate modifying custody later
Sole custody to moms because dads give up
STOP SCROLLING. READ THIS NUMBER.
That is the exact amount of time you lose with your children over 20 years by accepting a "standard" 60/40 schedule instead of 50/50.
It's 11:47 PM. You're staring at a proposed parenting plan from your ex's lawyer. It looks reasonable on paper. "Liberal visitation." "Every other weekend." Maybe a Wednesday dinner.
Your lawyer says, "It's standard. Don't rock the boat. You can always modify it later."
Let me tell you what your lawyer isn't telling you:
Once you sign that paper, you are no longer a parent. You are a visitor. And "modifying it later" costs $15,000 and has a 12% success rate.
You are standing at a crossroads that will determine the next 18 years of your life. Do not sign anything until you understand the math.
The Real Difference: By The Numbers
Most dads think 60/40 is "close enough" to 50/50. It's just 10%, right?
That 10% isn't just time. It's the difference between being the guy who tucks them in and the guy they visit on weekends. It's the difference between knowing their teacher's name and finding out about the school play on Facebook.
Days Per Year
You are DAD. You deal with tantrums. You check homework. You are a parent.
Days Per Year
You are the "Fun Dad." You take them to movies. You are an event coordinator.
While you're reading this sentence, you just lost another hour with your kids. Every day you wait to demand 50/50 is a day you don't get back.
THE $182,400 MISTAKE
If you accept 60/40 instead of fighting for 50/50, you aren't just losing time. You are likely paying an extra $380 - $600 per month in child support for children you see less.
$450/month × 12 months × 18 years =
Add lost tax benefits ($2,000-$4,000/year) = $182,400 total swing
Imagine what you could do for your kids' college fund with $182,400.
Real Examples: The Cost of Inaction
Two dads. Same county. Same income. Different choices.
James
The "Nice Guy"
STRATEGY:
"I'll take 60/40 now and change it later."
RESULT:
See kids 4 days/month. Pays $1,400 support.
LONG TERM:
Kids call stepdad 'Dad'. Tried to modify, spent $22,000, lost.
Marcus
The Strategist
STRATEGY:
"I'm a parent. I accept nothing less than 50/50."
RESULT:
See kids 15 days/month. Pays $600 support.
LONG TERM:
Coach of son's team. Daughter calls him first. Saved $144,000.
James thought he was being "cooperative." He was actually signing his resignation letter as a father.
In 38 States, Judges Don't Even Have To Give You 50/50
The Dad in California gets a 50/50 presumption. The Dad in Tennessee? He starts at zero and has to prove he deserves his kids. Which state are you in?
All 50 states • Updated 2026 • No email required
IF YOU FIGHT FOR 50/50:
Schedules That Actually Work
"But 50/50 is too disruptive!" says your ex's lawyer. "The kids need one home base!"
Translation: "We want full control and full child support."
Week On/Week Off
Alternating full weeks
2-2-3 Rotation
2 days, 2 days, 3 days rotating
3-4-4-3
3 days, 4 days alternating
5-2-2-5
5 days, 2 days, 2 days, 5 days
FAQ: The Brutal Truths
"My ex says she'll never agree to 50/50."
Of course she won't. Why would she? She loses money and control. You don't need her agreement. You need a judge's order. Document your involvement. Show you are a primary caregiver. 81.5% of sole custody awards go to mothers because dads give up, not because they lose.
"Can I start with 60/40 and move to 50/50 later?"
NO.
This is the biggest lie in family law. Once a "status quo" is established, it takes a "material change in circumstances" (like drug abuse or neglect) to change it. You have ONE shot to set the baseline. Do it now.
"Is it worth the legal fees?"
Let's do the math. A custody battle might cost $15,000. Over 10 years, the difference in child support alone is $54,000. The ROI is 360% financially, and infinite emotionally. Yes, it's worth it.
The Judge In Your County Already Has A Default.Do You Know What It Is?
Mike from Ohio walked into court expecting 50/50. His lawyer said, "That's standard." He walked out with every-other-weekend. Why?
Because in Ohio's Hamilton County, "standard" is 14% parenting time for Dads. Mike didn't know the rules of his own game. Don't be Mike.
Your State's Playbook Includes:
- Your state's default custody presumption (50/50 vs primary)
- Exact timeline from filing to final order
- The #1 mistake Dads make in your state
- What local judges actually rule (not what statutes say)
- Red flags that destroy custody cases in your county
Every week you wait costs you 4 more days. Know the rules before you file.